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What’s the big deal about forgiveness? Should people who do bad things be forgiven? Can the hurt be too deep to forgive? Maybe you have tried but just can’t forget. There is a difference between forgive and forget.

Over my life I have talked to many who choose to hold onto a grudge and refuse to forgive hurt. The typical response to the person who has not forgiven is “You don’t understand.” We attempt to justify our anger or hurt. I use the words interchangeably because the root of anger is hurt.

I have spoken to people who have been physically abused, sexually abused, emotionally abused, rejected, betrayed, lied to, stolen from or hurt in every way imaginable that have chosen to forgive. Unfortunately I have also seen people who make a decision not to forgive. The latter suffer the consequences. Whether it is health issues, anxiety, stress, relationship problems, etc. the payment is high. I know this first hand because I have been unforgiving before.

Once someone in my life had a melt down over the fact that I called her ex to ask about his cancer diagnosis and treatment. I called him after feeling prompted for three weeks by the Holy Spirit. I am a believer in the power of intercession and believe God wants me to pray for him. The person (his ex) told me in a video that she cannot have a relationship with anyone who has a relationship with him. I love her but will not succumb to that demand. My relationship with God is more important than her feelings. I told my husband it feels great to feel so healthy emotionally and spiritually that I don’t even feel hurt by her behavior. The fact is I feel very sorry foe her and burdened for her because of how this will impact her life. The irony is, she is estranged from her son due to unforgiveness and it is not her choice, but his. He will not forgive her for past hurts.

What does the Bible say about forgiveness? Quite a bit. In fact, forgiveness is a dominant theme throughout the Bible. But it’s not uncommon to have many questions about forgiveness. The act of forgiving does not come easy for most of us. Our natural instinct is to recoil in self-protection when we’ve been injured. Our human nature is to hold a grudge. We don’t naturally overflow with mercy, grace, and understanding when we’ve been wronged.


Is Christian forgiveness a conscious choice, a physical act involving the will, or is it a feeling, an emotional state of being? The Bible offers insight and answers to our questions about forgiveness. Let’s take a look at some of the most frequently asked questions and find out what the Bible says about forgiveness.


Is forgiveness a conscious choice, or an emotional state?
Forgiveness is a choice we make. It is a decision of our will, motivated by obedience to God and his command to forgive. The Bible instructs us to forgive as the Lord forgave us:

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13, NIV)

How do we forgive when we don’t feel like it? Forgiveness is not an emotion but a decision.
We forgive by faith, out of obedience. Since forgiveness goes against our nature, we must forgive by faith, whether we feel like it or not. We must trust God to do the work in us that needs to be done so that our forgiveness will be complete. Our faith brings us confidence in God’s promise to help us forgive and shows that we trust in his character:

Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see. (Hebrews 11:1, NLT)
How do we translate our decision to forgive into a change of heart?
God honors our commitment to obey him and our desire to please him when we choose to forgive. He completes the work in his time. We must continue to forgive by faith (our job) until the work of forgiveness (the Lord’s job) is done in our hearts.

My mother was a beautiful example of living a life of forgiving others. In fact my father was physically abusive to her and she never held a grudge against him. In my 20’s I struggled with forgiving him and in fact sought out a Christian counselor to help me in my journey. Regardless of his actions (abusive alcoholic) by the grace of God I chose to forgive him and show him honor.


And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. (Philippians 1:6, NLT)
How will we know if we have truly forgiven?
Lewis B. Smedes wrote in his book, Forgive and Forget: “When you release the wrongdoer from the wrong, you cut a malignant tumor out of your inner life. You set a prisoner free, but you discover that the real prisoner was yourself.”

Bitterness is the result when we choose not to forgive someone. What we often don’t realize is that not forgiving someone is a poison that hurts us and those we do care about. Holding onto anger will impact every aspect of your life whether you realize it or not.

We will know the work of forgiveness is complete when we experience the freedom that comes as a result. We are the ones who suffer most when we choose not to forgive. When we do forgive, the Lord sets our hearts free from the anger, bitterness, resentment, and hurt that previously imprisoned us.

Sometimes forgiveness is a slow process and a therapist is needed. If you are struggling with forgiving someone I encourage you to invest in yourself and pay for counseling. It will be money well spent.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (Matthew 18:21-22, NIV)
Jesus’ answer to Peter makes it clear that forgiveness is not easy for us. It’s not a one-time choice, and then we automatically live in a state of forgiveness. Essentially, Jesus was saying, keep on forgiving until you experience the freedom of forgiveness. Forgiveness may require a lifetime of forgiving, but it is important to the Lord. We must continue forgiving until the matter has been settled in our heart.

What if the person we need to forgive is not a believer?
We are called to love our neighbors and our enemies and pray for those who hurt us:

“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.” (Matthew 5:43-48, NLT)
We learn a secret about forgiveness in this verse. That secret is prayer. Prayer is one of the best ways to break down the wall of unforgiveness in our hearts. When we begin to pray for the person who has wronged us, God gives us new eyes to see and a new heart to care for that person.

As we pray, we start to see that person as God sees them, and we realize that he or she is precious to the Lord. We also see ourselves in a new light, just as guilty of sin and failure as the other person. We too are in need of forgiveness. If God did not withhold his forgiveness from us, why should we withhold forgiveness from another?

Is it okay to feel anger and want justice for the person we need to forgive?
This question presents another reason to pray for the person we need to forgive. We can pray and ask God to deal with the injustices. We can trust God to judge that person’s life, and then we ought to leave that prayer at the altar. We no longer have to carry the anger. Although it is normal for us to feel anger toward sin and injustice, it is not our job to judge the other person in their sin.

A few months ago someone told me that he cannot forgive someone who had an affair. It wasn’t his marriage but yet he will not forgive the person. My thought was GOD WILL NEVER ASK YOU TO FORGIVE MORE THAN HE HAS FORGIVEN YOU FOR. How can we ask God for forgiveness of our sin when we refuse to forgive someone? According to scripture, not forgiving someone will also keep our prayers from being answered.

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. (Luke 6:37, (NIV)
Why must we forgive?
The best reason to forgive is simple: Jesus commanded us to forgive. We learn from scripture in context to forgiveness that if we don’t forgive, neither will we be forgiven:

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14-16, NIV)

Life is beautiful when we forgive.

For the majority of my life I was high energy, driven, positive and needed little sleep to feel fabulous every day. Over 10 years ago my health started to decline. Eventually I started feeling like crap on a daily basis. I loved my life but my health was making it difficult to do the things I had always enjoyed. These ailments started one by one until I was plagued with all:

Weight Gain
Migraines
Abdominal Pain
Fatigue
Brain Fog
Insomnia
Anxiety
Depression
Bloating
Joint Pain
Swelling of ankles and knees
Puffy face
Stress
Food Cravings
Hair Thinning

With these issues I continued raising my children doing everything that a wife and mother does but with difficulty.

Over the years I went to a plethora of physicians. Each told me that my lab work was normal and my issue was just part of getting older. I began to think I was a hypochondriac. Most doctors suggested I lose weight and offered me pills for anxiety. I could lose 5-10 lbs but the weight always came back. And I was getting bigger not better!

In 2019 I heard about a doctor by the name of Lena Edwards. Several friends all around the country had gone to her with amazing results. At this point in my life I was willing to go anywhere and do anything for relief. Dr. Edwards lives in Boca Raton, Florida and treats patients via conference call. I scheduled a consult with her in October of 2019. In November, 2019 -February, 2020. she worked with me on a weekly basis. I continue to have annual visits with her.

My first week I had the most comprehensive medical exam of my life. Dr. Edwards is not a one size fits all physician. Every patient has a customized plan of treatment. We had weekly visits scheduled and I had access to her 24/27 via phone and email. Her response was very prompt to my extra calls or emails. I had tons of blood work done throughout the 4 months. I took saliva tests, bone density and a food allergy test.

The first month I did a 10 day detox. I had a list of foods that were allowed along with menus and recipes. To be honest I was nervous about this detox. I didn’t know if I had the will power to do it. Remember that strong food cravings were one of my symptoms. This detox was also during Thanksgiving. I have always loved coffee and wondered if I could function without it. No coffee or caffeine are allowed during detox. I also loved sugar. To be honest the first two days were difficult. By the 7th day I experienced a miracle. I felt great. I had energy and no longer had to drag myself out of the bed each morning. The headaches were gone. The food cravings were gone. I had energy. I thought about doing this detox forever!

After the detox I could eat a new food every 4 days. This was to determine if I had any reactions to food. My food allergy tests results came in. Would you believe I am allergic to:

Coffee (yes coffee)
Dairy
Gluten
Whey Protein
Eggs
Green Beans
Almonds
Pineapple
Cottage Cheese
Kidney Beans

The list of foods I am allergic to shocked me. I didn’t know if I would be able to eliminate them from my diet. Feeling great is what motivated me to eat clean. Physical health is a great motivator.

My lab work also revealed that I have a low thyroid which she prescribed medication for. The saliva test revealed my hormones were out of whack. Now I take hormones from. compound pharmacy.

Did you know that an alarming 75% of women experience daily symptoms due to hormone imbalances? Some of these symptoms are irritating, like insomnia, sugar cravings, fluid retention, moodiness and headaches, while others can be more devastating like infertility. Often, many of these symptoms can be written off as “normal” and just part of a woman’s cycle or transition into menopause. The truth is that there are many things we can do to reverse them to live each day more comfortably.

Dr. Edwards also diagnosed me with leaky hut. With probiotics and a change in diet this was fixed. I also had yeast overgrowth which was the reason the inside of my ears itched all the time.

The lab report also revealed I had a vitamin D and B12 deficiency. The B was so low that I began taking weekly injections for a while. She prescribed a high dose of vitamin D for me until new lab work showed improvement.

For years I suffered with insomnia. Dr, Edwards told me that sleep was the most important issue for my health to improve. I never took prescribed medication for sleep but her treatment had me sleeping through then night within weeks.

In addition to my symptoms disappearing from my life I also lost 40 pounds. This was an added bonus but not the greatest benefit. Sure it’s great to drop weight because this does enable you to have better health. Health is not just the absence of disease but the presence of optimal function and feeling.

Today I primarily eat meat, fish, seafood, vegetables and fruits. I can have goat or sheep cheese which is delicious. I avoid processed food. Processed food including soft drinks (even diet) are poison for your body. It has been well documented that artificial sweetener causes cancer.

Do I ever eat sugar? Yes, on occasion. I love the Dove dark chocolate bites and will spurge sometimes. Did you know dark chocolate can kill cancer cells? Two weeks ago I had some regular pizza. This was my first since October, 2019. I enjoyed it but did pay for it for the next 24 hours. The key for me is to do it on rare occasion. The pizza was a special time with my sister while she was visiting for her birthday. However I did not have cake!

Is there something you think you could never do without? Whatever it is I bet you can modify the recipe and have it. Mobile has a gluten free bakery. Many restaurants today offer gluten free food.

At the grocery store I read every ingredient label. Unhealthy ingredients are hidden in everything. Did you know that some canned black beans have added sugar? One can find food without added chemicals but it requires reading every label and maybe asking a cook questions at a restaurant.

After four months with Dr. Edwards every single symptom disappeared from my life. The bloating in my face and stomach diminished. My eyes seemed bigger and brighter and my lips fuller.

I’ve been thinking about people who may struggle with health problems as I did. This is the reason for sharing this post. I am not selling anything and Dr. Edwards does not even know about this blog. I am sharing because I know there are women who suffer in silence as I did with health problems. The main thing I hope you take away from my story is you don’t have to feel like crap. It’s not normal to feel like that on a consistent basis. If your health is suffering, find a good doctor. Look for a functional medicine doctor. You are worth it.

What you have just read is the beginning of my story. I will continue writing about health issues that I dealt with on my journey. Please subscribe if you want notification of new posts. And please feel free to ask questions here or comment if any of what I shared resonates with you.

How many of you are ready for a New Year? Everyone I know feels delight that the past 12 months are over. 2020 was a challenge for everyone in one way or another.

At the beginning of every year (and especially after 2020) is a great time to set yourself up for the greatest year ever. Is this possible? What if circumstances in my life and the world stay the same?

I believe that regardless of what is going on the world we can have a great year. The government and other people do not determine what happens at your house. Hardships will come and go. Tragedy will come and go. Obstacles will always be with us. People will pass away. A job will be lost. People will hurt us. Sickness will come. Bad things happen to good people. However your response to everything is your choice. If you accept that attitude is a choice you can change your world.

Allow me to add that I realize pain is real. At the same time I believe even pain can be used for good and bring glory to God. One of my favorite quotes is by Ernest Hemingway: “We are all broken, that’s how the light get’s in.” Jesus is the light. Joy is not the absence of pain but joy is presence of God.

Here are a few questions to set yourself up for the best year ever. I urge you to sit down with a journal, alone, with a cup coffee and put your thoughts on paper.

1. What have I learned?

2. What have I accomplished?

3. Who did I add value to?

4. What held me back?

5. Do I still love what I do?

6. Am I living out my priorities?

7. What habit or change would aid me most?

8. What would I try if I knew I could not fail?

9. What would I most like to change about myself and how might I do this?

10. What brings me the most joy and how am I going to do more of that?

11. What is one change I could make in my life that would give me more peace?

12. At the end of this year, how would I like to be different?

At the beginning of every year I get alone and answer questions such as this. At the end I also choose a focus word for the new year. I like to choose a word that defines what I hope to achieve and then try to think about this word daily. Some words I have chosen in the past have been Intentional, Transform, Connect, Renew and Revive.

Feel free to share your focus word in the comment section.

My prayer is that this post serves as a catalyst to your best year ever.

Today, March 22, 2020 there are 26,747 cases in America and 138 in Alabama. We have been quarantine like most of you reading this blog. Last week we officially closed our small business. Other than a quick run to the pharmacy, doctor office or grocery store I have stayed home. I have washed my hands and kept my hands away from my face.

Today I realize that I have been a carrier. A carrier of fear. And people around me catch what I carry. We are all carriers. What are you carrying? Is it worth catching? What I have been carrying the past week is not worth catching?

I made the decision to put on a worship video. I listened as I cleaned some junk drawer and cabinets. For 2 hours I worshipped and prayed. My fear was replaced with faith, love and hope. This is what I choose to carry The Good News. Worry and anxiety is contagious, so is hope. Fear is contagious, so is peace. Hate is contagious, so is love.

In the New Testament believers were contagious. The Good News spread. Believers were faithful, loving and had hope. I didn’t spread this last week. I realize that I have been lukewarm. I have been comfortable. I have been so busy with life that I have allowed my fire to grow dim.

This is a wakeup call for the church. My hope should not be in the government. My hope should not be in doctors, though I appreciate all they are doing. Nor should my hope be in spiritual leaders. My hope is in the one who spoke all things into being. My hope is in the one who died for me. My hope is in Jesus. He is our shelter in a time of trouble. In his presence demons flee. He is the resurrection and the life.

God is not surprised by this Wuhan virus. God is always good. And good news spreads. While the world is growing dark, Jesus is the light. Whatever we are facing, look to Jesus. Jesus is here. Jesus is good. Jesus is with me. Jesus is with you.

I am a carrier and so are you. May we spread faith, love and hope today. May we be a light to the world. I believe something good can come out of this time. This is our opportunity to spread faith, give love and hope.

You are a carrier.

When a daughter loses a mom the world changes. You realize that no one will ever love you like that again. I always knew that no matter what I did, good or bad, she loved me anyway. Not to say that my husband or son’s love isn’t great, but it’s not the same as the love of a mother.

A mother’s love isn’t judgmental. It’s kind and forgiving yet bold and endearing. It’s the love written about in I Corinthians 13. And when you can’t see or hold that love anymore the world is different.

The early morning I got the call that my mom was ill I pleaded with God and prayed all the way to the hospital…”God, please don’t let my mom die today.” Over and over the same prayer. My request was not to be. I didn’t even get to tell her goodbye. It was her time to go.

A year ago today I lost a chunk of my heart. Today is the last first. Her first birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mother’s Day, Easter, my birthday, etc. has passed. Today is bittersweet. On one hand I know I’ve made it through some of the really tough days so I know I will survive. But after a year, I still feel “okay, that’s enough time to wake up not from this terrible dream.”

I don’t think a daughter can be prepared for the passing of her mother. I thought I was. I’m an educated, intelligent, successful woman. I read plenty of books on death, dying and grief. I spent years in full time ministry. I thought I was ready to face it. My mom and I spoke tenderly about my life without her. She was a devout Christian and ready to go. But I wasn’t ready to lose her. Oh how I wanted more time.

Sitting with her for an hour after she passed, I called my husband and my son who was an intern in DC. Walking out of her room for the last time felt so surreal. Kissing her forehead. Covering her with a blanket. I actually felt weird leaving her alone.

My son Matthew was home sleeping when I woke him to share the news. The day was filled with calls to my siblings and other family members who lived out of town. In a blur I went to the funeral home to make arrangements. I chose the dress she wore to my wedding. I chose her lipstick. I planned her after funeral luncheon. I wrote her eulogy. It only took me 10 minutes but I believe God gave me the perfect words.

The memories of August 2, 2018 will stay in my heart forever. So here I am one year later. I don’t feel like I have crossed a finish line on achieving any type of closure. I don’t feel healed. I still have my grief with me. It is a part of me now. The past year has allowed me to find a way to accommodate my grief, like a sudden and permanent limp that doesn’t stop you completely but will forever alter the way you move through the world.

This week Barbara Bush died and I saw one of her best quotes.

“You just don’t luck into things as much as you’d like to think you do. You build step by step, whether it’s friendships or opportunities.”

What are you building? Is it what you need? Is it what you value?

Fill in the blank:

I want to ________________________________________.

I need __________________________________________.

Life is short. Don’t waste anymore time wishing you had. Do it now. You can love your life. Need help? Call me for coaching. First half hour call is complimentary.

By Brianna Wiest

Would you invest one hour in yourself to set up for the best year ever?

Life is full and a new year is a great time to evaluate and look at where you are and where you are going. I find it helpful to answer the questions listed and write down your answer. Each one will force you to focus on the priority of life and not get lost in the trivial.

1.  What are my top 3 memories of 2017?
2. What are 3 memories I want to create in 2018?
3. What area in my life worked best in 2017?
4. What area in my life do I most want to improve 9n 2018?
5. What is one thing that needs to happen for me to start 2018 strong?
6. What do I need to start doing in 2018?
7. What do I need to stop doing in 2018?
8. Who do I need to express more gratitude toward in 2018?
9. What fear or fears are hiding me back from what God wants for me?
10. If you could make one change in your life right now, what would it be?

Working hard is important, but so is take time for evaluation and planning. Fail to plan and plan to fail.

In the last 24 hours I have not only evaluated and planned but I filled my calendar with activity needed to accomplish my goals There are many good calendars out there but my personal favorite is the Passion Planner. This planner consist of a monthly page, weekly, To Do List, goal and strategy page and also 2 pages for weekly evaluation. It’s easy to write down goals but the weekly evaluation is what will set you up for the best year ever.

Life is full of difficult decisions that impact our lives. Usually our choice is not between good and bad but good and best. Or average and great.

My most difficult decision was putting my mom in a nursing home. Today they are called skilled nursing facilities. I so wanted her to live out her final days at our home surrounded by people who love her. This was my plan for as long as I can remember. With every home we have always prepared a guest room so that we would be prepared when my mom joined us.

Mom was with us less than a year before needing 2 hospital stays with the last resulting in rehab. I sought out the best rehab I could find when her primary physician finally suggested I accept that mom was on a spiral decline and would need skilled nursing 24/7. At first I felt like a failure for not being able to meet all of her needs. It didn’t help that one sibling didn’t understand or like that “I” was putting her in a nursing home and made it clear she would not have anything to do with my decision to do so. She is not updated on her condition because she does not call, email or text us for her health updates. I wanted to tell her that mom cannot walk and needs 2 people to assist her going to to the bathroom, that she needs a lift to get her in and our of bed, she needs help eating, shower assistance and all of these things require special machines and equipment that we do not have. Basically mom cannot do anything on her own. It would be impossible for one person to meet her needs. Home nursing is expensive. We could not afford to pay for 24/7 care and neither could she. So yes I chose to put my mom that I adore in a nursing home.

My greatest regret is that I did not insist my mom move in with us 4 years ago. We were looking for a home with a private bedroom and bath on a first floor home. We found one that would work perfectly for mom. Large room, den & private bath for her. My husband was thrilled that when mom moved in with us she could save all of her money in case she needed it in her latter years for private nurses. If she had done this, today she would have $96,000.00 for her nursing care while living at my home. Yes. $96,000.00. Today if mom had financial resources she would have better options. She could live with us because she could afford home health care 24/7 She would be surrounded by people who love her. She would have good healthy food to eat, immediate help going to the bathroom when needed, and shower when she desired. It’s also possible that her dementia might not have progressed so rapidly because she may not have had the 3 hard falls hitting here head. Each fall was at a facility. But 4 years ago a relative who knew we were buying a home with room for mom, moved her belongings to a retirement community while she was in the hospital. This was done without my mom being asked or my knowledge. It was also during this 4 year period that I discovered her primary caregiver had embezzled thousands of dollars from her bank account until there was nothing left.

We do not regret that mom moved to Fairhope. She has a family member visit every other day for 1-3 hours. Mom has never had that many family visits. She has good days and bad. Mom usually remembers my family and I unless she is tired. She will forget my older son who is at college. We look at photos at every visit. She does not know the names of the faces in the pictures. On a great day she might recognize a face in the book. She tires easily. I visit all times of the day and night and have learned what the best times for her are. Today she didn’t feel like taking. She wanted to sleep so I just sat with her and held her hand.

This title is almost horrible and may seem insensitive but hear me out. I almost wrote about the pain but today I want to write about the beauty.

Mom moved to live with my family and I about a year ago at the suggestion of her doctor in Birmingham. He believed living with family would be best for her. It was great while it lasted but a little over 4 months later and a hospital stay of almost a month, the same doctor suggested she try assisted living. When someone has dementia or alzheimer’s structure is best. My household is so busy with so many people coming and going (we had 6 teen boys spend the night last weekend) and Bible studies, etc. that it was too much stress for mom. She needed quiet. We do appreciate the time we had. Most of it was beautiful. She often said moving to Fairhope was the best decision she ever made.

After a fall in the hospital last June that resulted in a concussion and 2 falls at her assisted living facility hitting her head the dementia seemed to advance at a rapid pace. I thought the moves were the cause of the increased dementia but the doctor said it was primarily the concussions. When her dementia increased she got kicked out of assisted living because she needed 24/7 care at that point. We moved her home again. She fell again which may have been the result of a UTI which she was admitted for. After the hospital visit the first week of November she was released to a rehab hospital. She is still there but has lost her ability to walk.

Being a caregiver is a lonely road. Todd and I are the only family my mom has here. We feel a huge responsibility to love and care for her as Jesus would. Sometimes it’s stressful but it is also the greatest privilege in the world. At first I visited her daily but I average 4 times a week now with a visit lasting anywhere from 1-3 hours. Todd goes with me at least on Sunday. More when he can. My boys still ask to visit her. This means so much to me and is a testimony of their character. I know many grandkids don’t visit their grandparents even when they live close by. I’m so proud of my boys. They also buy her gifts with their own money. This is beautiful to me.

Today I visited my mom for about 3 hours. I am so blessed that with a flexible career (Mary Kay Director) my time can be determined by my priorities. I’m also a pastor’s wife, homeschool mom and Director of a legal home school cover. There have been times in my life when I allowed ministry to overwhelm me but now I know that every need does not have my name on it. Todd and I have also learned that ministry can come before you and God or you and your family. That’s also another blog.

The beauty of Alzheimer’s at this phase is that though my heart breaks for mom she is happy and content. She no longer is plagued with the anxiety, depression: the mental illness she has struggled with her whole life. She takes less medication and yet for the first time in her life she seems free of the symptoms. She smiles, laughs and tells me she is happy. This is indeed beautiful to see.

Mom still knows who I am by sight. She knows my husband. She didn’t know my 20 year old son when he came home from college the first time he visited last month. But the remainder of the visits (about 12) she knew him. She usually knows my 17 year old son. Mom does not remember where she is or why. She does not know her other family members. i.e. children, grandkids, sisters, etc. I show her photos almost every day to help her memory. She loves looking at photos but has no idea who they are. Most of the time. Sometimes the old photos of my older brother and sister as children she will recognize. Sometimes she forgets my father has died. Sometimes she remembers. Today she asked me what he died of. She has no recollection of a 2nd husband even though I show his photo too. The photos seem to confuse her but she loves looking at them so I keep showing them to her.

If I tell my mom where I am going she will request to go with me. This is hard for me. She will still ask if she can go home with Todd and I. She remembers being happy at our home. However when I reply she can’t leave the hospital today she is okay with it.

When I visit every day or every other day I hold her hand and tell her I love her. She smiles and says “I love you too DuAnne.” When I tell her she has been a great mom her smile is even brighter. My husband and sons hold her hand and I think this loving physical connection gives her peace. She feels loved and cared for. This is beautiful.

My mercy and compassion has grown so much during this process with my mom. All I want to do is love her. And I am drawn to visit her as often as I can. It is not a chore. It is a privilege.

I moved away when I was 17 and have spent most of my life living on the West Coast. Except for a few short years in Birmingham I have always lived away from family. God was always calling me to leave people I loved to love people I had not met yet. God has called me all over the place. Full time ministry is sometimes a sacrifice but God is faithful. It’s beautiful that I have the opportunity to serve my mom in a way her other children cannot due to their busy lives.

Mom lived in a beautiful assisted living facility called The Blake for just a few months before being told she could no longer live there safely. Once the diagnosis was confirmed we had a lot of decisions to make. After being told mom qualified for hospice we decided to bring her home on a trial basis.

My family and I are surprised how quickly the disease has taken over. Sometimes she does not know who I am or her other grown children. She can’t remember the names of her 11 grandchildren except for mine. Although she has been calling Aaron by a different name the past week. She does ask about Matthew and his girlfriend Mia by name.

Hospice has been wonderful. They have explained the different phases my mom is going through and why one moment she will know my name and a few moments later ask me where DuAnne is. These past few days she is convinced Todd is her husband. A few times Todd and I have laughed (not at her) but at some of the situations. Last night she asked for a hamburger from Burger King so I went to get it. At the drive through I paid and then drove off without taking the bag. Probably didn’t help that I was on the phone while going through the drive through. Lack of sleep and the stress of being a caregiver is exhausting. The prior evening I was up ALL NIGHT with her because she kept wanting to get up and cook Thanksgiving Dinner for all of her children. Hospice said she is in the Holiday Phase. All day she has told everyone Happy Thanksgiving even though we told her is was still October. When she told me she was so excited about Thanksgiving today I almost went along with it and cooked a turkey.

Every few minutes she calls me to come to her bedroom for something. When I told mom I was just there she looks confused and tells me she doesn’t remember it. The last time I went she grabbed my hand and said “I have a great idea. Let’s have Christmas at my house this year with all of the kids and grandchildren. She told me she wanted to do the cooking but we could bring a dish if we wanted but it was not necessary. She also wanted to have a “fudge party” and invite everyone over to have coffee and fudge. I didn’t tell her I have never liked fudge. My reply: “Mom, that’s a great idea. You always make the best fudge.” She looked so happy.

Tonight she told me she wished all of us would start going to church and not just on holidays. I didn’t tell her that my husband is a pastor and we go every week. If I just listen and go along with what she is saying she is less agitated.

Mom is just about bedridden now. Hospice comes 5 days a week to give her a shower and other things. She has lost her appetite and does not want to eat or drink. She is losing her ability to feed herself. She does not remember to use the bathroom.

As mom has progressed I realize that I cannot take care of her 24 hours a day with my family to care for and working a job. Even if I did not have a family or work I still could not provide the care she needs. And this breaks my heart.

This week we begin a new chapter in our lives.

Change is part of life and should be embraced. There is no growth without pain but no growth without change. Knowing that change is good enables me to expect it and love it.

Over 5 years ago in my family and I moved to South Alabama where Todd could serve as Senior Pastor at Magnolia Springs Wesleyan Church. What a pleasure it has been to serve, get to know them, love them and become a family together.

Almost immediately after arriving God put on his heart the burden and passion for MSWC to become a multiplying church. That has been our prayer over the past 5+ years. Todd’s desire is to plant a church on the Eastern Shore, Mobile and Gulf Shores. At a result of prayer God is answering that prayer.

After arriving we found the former pastor had told the congregation, the staff and several in the community that MSWC was dying and folks should jump ship. Though the church did indeed have big problems as he advised us, GOD IS BIGGER THAN ANY PROBLEM YOU HAVE.

In the past 5 years we saw 270 pray to receive Christ for the 1st time, 47 Baptized and 62 new members.

We praise God that though we only had 3 youth when we arrived, the youth ministry grew to over 30 on Wednesday nights and sometimes over 50 for special worship events. Many lives were transformed.

The children ministry started with 3 kids and grew to over 50 on Wednesday at our new Awana program. Many lives were changed.

Another highlight was starting the contemporary service with new people not from other churches but from the harvest. During the time we had 2 services the average attendance was higher than it had been in over 10 years according to office records.

In June we began preview services on the Eastern Shore with a core team of folks. Our plan is to have a public launch in January, 2016.

As you obey God’s Word you can expect change in every area of your life. Last week was our last at MSWC. A new pastor has been found and will begin on September 20th.

How have you changed lately? Is there an area of life that you need to change? Job? Geography? Relationship? Association? Church? Denomination? Habit? Schedule? Would love to hear! Join the conversation!

For updates on our progress go to http://www.EasternShoreCommunityChurch.com.

Life is busy and a new year is a great time to evaluate and look at where you are and where you are going. Here are a few questions I find helpful to answer which force me to focus on the priority of life and not get lost in the trivial.

1.  What are my fondest memories of 2014?

2.  What did I learn about God, myself, calling, my spouse, my children?

3.  When in the past year did I feel the most alive to God? Why?

4.  What were my defining moments?

5.  As I move into 2015, is a majority of my energy being spent on things that drain or energize me? What drains me? What energizes me?

6. What books impacted me most in 2014? What books should I add to my read list for 2015?

7.  What should I keep doing…stop doing…start doing?

8.  In what areas of my life do I most want to grow in 2015?

9. What mentors will I seek out to achieve my growth goals?

10. What am I committed to do in 2015 to design my life? In other words, what will I do Monday through Friday to be intentional about my growth? Spiritual, Family, Health (emotional, physical & mental) and Financial goals)

I want to be better in 2015 than I was in 2014. To do this I have must schedule my priorities. So I will put those things in my calendar that I say are the most important. I have learned that our lives are simply made up of the habits and attitudes we possess daily.

What would you add to this list?

In the Bible the book of James tells us that we will encounter various trials. This means if you are alive your life will have adversity. So right now you are probably in the middle of a big trial, just got out of one or maybe you are just about to enter one. There are all sizes and shapes of adversity. Sorry to sound negative. But if we are a realist and not one to live in denial, our lives will be like a roller coaster with wonderful ups and also downs.

In the past 30 days alone I have heard from multiple friends who are experiencing depression or discouragement because they:

1) Experienced a loss of spouse due to death or divorce
2) Been diagnosed with a terminal illness
3) Have a chemical imbalance
4) Lost a child to drug overdose
5) Have a child on drugs
6) Have financial hardship
7) Have family or work related stress

This blog is not a prescription for you if you have a chemical imbalance. That must be treated with meds. This is not for you if you recently lost a loved one or have been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Grief is a process that is necessary for mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health.

This blog is for those of us who have discouragement for other reasons. It might me family issues, marital, teens or adult kids, parent, job, stress, physical, burn out or a variety of things.

Read the story of Elijah in I Kings 18 and 19 to get his story. It’s a great story of God working in a huge way, a woman named Jezebel and a man who had a desire to die.

Why is it are we tempted to do the opposite of what will help our discouragement? How many of you do one of these when you are in a funk?

Isolation
Shop
Eat comfort foods
Excessive TV
Denial/Pretense
__________________ (fill in the blank)

I’m guilty of isolation. Getting some needed alone time is ok but when we choose to be isolated due to feeling down watch that it not become a pattern. Maybe you avoid church when you are down. I can’t do this since my husband is a pastor and I’m glad. As Christians one of the best things we can do is join in corporate worship with our church family. Satan would prefer you to stay discouraged and out of church. Don’t let him win here! I believe Scripture is clear in corporate worship.

Here is what Elijah did and what I have ound helpful:

1. Pray. Vent with God. He knows how you feel anyway.
2. Get rest. Sometimes our funk can be duke to exhaustion.
3. Eat healthy and exercise. (I’m trying to work on this)
4. Help others. Getting eyes off self is huge.
5. Choose community. When you don’t have anyone in a better place than you are who will speak truth into your life you will remain the same.

If you had a disease that a pill would cure would you take it? Of course you would. So why would you not incorporate these 5 things into your life?

Sometimes a professional counselor is needed if you just feel stuck and can’t move through a process for health. But it is amazing what a small group of friends can do that will love you enough to speak truth into your life.

What would you add to this list?

Esther was an ordinary person who faced an extraordinary leadership challenge.  How would I have responded in this crisis?  Would my action have been at the right time?  I expect that I might have immediately gone to the king and probably got my head cut off. 

Top Five Lessons From Esther:

1.  Remember that God is always at work behind the scenes whether I see it or not.

2.  Refuse to compromise on truth.  You can’t put a price tag on integrity.

3.  Right timing is everything.  It is important to have the right action at the right time.

4.  Learn from mentors.  God works thru godly counsel.

5.  Leadership requires the courage to put yourself on the line for the glory of God. 

Esther had tremendous courage to risk her life and stand before the king.  Fear could have stopped her.  Good opportunities never come without fear or risk of failure.  But good leaders move forward despite a moment of hesitation.

I don’t juggle very well. Just had an image in my brain of a woman attempting to juggle a dozen plates in the air. Personally I have never been a good juggler. This is how I feel today and many days lately. How many of you women out there can relate? I bet there are tons!

I know that each individual woman has a variety of plates in the air. Some are similar to mine and some different. My plates are:

1. Family. Surprised to find that having a college freshman does not free me up more. Yesterday I spent almost 2 hours dealing with some administrative issues with the college. I spoke with 6 different people at USM yesterday. I’m not complaining. Taking care of my family is a pleasure.

2. Home Admin such as medical insurance. Spent a couple of hours so far this week working on insurance stuff with the new rates and plans. Spent an hour talking to Verizon.

3. Medical. Spent over two hours making medical appointments, getting prescriptions refilled and transferring records for the family.

4. Home Maintenance – I don’t even want to talk about laundry and housecleaning.

5. Home Maintenance – Grocery shopping. I don’t know how Helen and other women do the coupon thing. But I can’t wait to decorate for Christmas. I love decorating for the holidays!

6. Mom – My mom is out of town and I spent 2 hours trying to help with her care. I never do enough here.

7. Church – My husband wanted to give me some church ministry stuff. Love this but sometimes it feels like a lot.

8. BCA – I am administrator for a home school. Finally got caught up with a huge pile on my desk but this job is ongoing.

9. Thrift Store – BCA has a thrift store. I am drowning here. Anyone want to volunteer?

10. Mary Kay – I started a Mary Kay business again because I want some financial security and I need to help with college for the boys.

11 My health – This is last and usually what suffers the most … exercise, time with friends, days off, etc. If you are a friend disappointed that I haven’t spent more time with you sorry. You are not alone. This is a big reason I love texting to connect. Yes I know face to face is much better but sometimes this is all I have.

12. Writing – I LOVE to write. I have one book and a publishing company is waiting for my final draft. I’m late getting it in.

If you are a woman reading this I know you have your own list. Maybe longer than mine. My reply to “how do you do it” is not profound. One day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time.

Something I did not list is “Spiritual.” I didn’t list it because everything I do should really come from this. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t. Maintaining my own relationship with the Lord takes work on my part to make it a priority. Some of you like to be spontaneous with your prayer/Bible reading but that just doesn’t work for me. If I don’t put it on my schedule it just doesn’t happen more often than not.

When I worked Mary Kay in the past I was blessed to have a part time assistant and housekeeper which I paid for from my Mary Kay income. This would be a huge blessing. In the meantime I will just take one day at a time.

Even before I married and had children I had plates I was juggling. It seemed to be easier back then. Or maybe I just forgot.

Currently I am doing a personal Bible Study called “Breathe” by Priscilla Shirer. It’s good to be reminded that I need space to hear God speak, room to feel His peace and rest. Time to feel gratitude and sabbath of the heart. Sometimes I’m tempted to pack a small bag, my dog and take off for a couple of weeks to be still. To sit at His feet and listen. To hear the ocean in the stillness. What are you sometimes tempted to do?

Would love to hear what you have learned about being a woman and living your priorities so that you have margin.