DuAnne Seeley

About DuAnne Seeley

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October 11, 2022

Transitions I Didn’t Ask For

DuAnne Seeley Family, Personal Growth, Uncategorized 0

Webster defines the noun transition as “the process or period of changing from one state to another.” The verb is “to undergo a process or period of transition.”

When my first born was just 24 hours old my husband walked into the hospital room and found me crying. He asked why I was upset and I said “I’m thinking about when Matthew goes off to college.” Maybe it was hormones or the drugs given for my c-section pain but deep in my heart I knew the loss of him leaving home would be an unwelcome transition.

Being a mother is the most rewarding and fulfilling job I have ever had. Raising my two sons brought unexpected joy. It was a huge blessing that I never had to use daycare. We spent a lot of time together building wonderful memories. Still, 18 years did not feel like enough time.

Transition is a natural part of life and I knew each day with my boys was slipping like sand through my fingers. The day they would go off to college was fast approaching. Matthew was the first to leave.

We hugged, said our goodbyes and “I love you.” He walked with us to the car, turned, and walked away. And as we sat there looking at his back, I cried my heart out. Our firstborn child was launched, and I felt like my insides were being ripped out.

Two years later, we had a repeat. Once again, after goodbyes, “We love you,” and hugs, another son walked us to the car. Watching him as he turned and walked away, those same deep heart cries rose up in me.

One last time, a few years later, goodbyes and “I love you” were said, and hugs were given. We went to the car and watched as our college graduate son turned and walked away into his new life out of state into his new career. And yes, we sat there looking at his back and I cried my heart out.

Two years later our youngest did the same. He graduated and has moved out of state with his career. More tears.

Not that I would never see our sons again, of course. But when our kids left home, I was keenly aware that my life would dramatically change. For years I had anticipated this day and often thought I couldn’t survive the emotion of it all, but I did. It’s been several years now since those first goodbyes. I still cry when they leave after a weekend or holiday visit. Maybe I always will.

God keeps reminding me to focus on my blessings. I have a good relationship with each of my sons. They text on a regular basis and call me to share good news. I know that they love me and they know I love them. I have a hard working husband who loves me and is faithful. God has blessed me with wonderful friends. The Lord’s lovingkindness is new every morning.

Today I am so grateful to God for his sustaining grace, and for the surprising sweet joys he’s giving me each day. It feels like Todd and I spend more time together. We often eat our meals in the den on tv trays because it seems easier than sitting at a large table with empty chairs.

Todd and I are more dependent on each other with the boys gone. Our house feels too large and we rarely go upstairs. We enjoy sitting on our back porch and talking about this life that God has given us.

Life is full of transitions. A new job, a move, the passing of a parent, spouse, family member, friend or retirement to name a few. I think God wants us to embrace each earthly transition. Each change can draw us closer to God, until one day we make that final transition to heaven. On that day we will be forever.

August 3, 2022

What’s the BIG Deal About Forgiveness?

DuAnne Seeley Uncategorized 0

What’s the big deal about forgiveness? Should people who do bad things be forgiven? Can the hurt be too deep to forgive? Maybe you have tried but just can’t forget. There is a difference between forgive and forget.

Over my life I have talked to many who choose to hold onto a grudge and refuse to forgive hurt. The typical response to the person who has not forgiven is “You don’t understand.” We attempt to justify our anger or hurt. I use the words interchangeably because the root of anger is hurt.

I have spoken to people who have been physically abused, sexually abused, emotionally abused, rejected, betrayed, lied to, stolen from or hurt in every way imaginable that have chosen to forgive. Unfortunately I have also seen people who make a decision not to forgive. The latter suffer the consequences. Whether it is health issues, anxiety, stress, relationship problems, etc. the payment is high. I know this first hand because I have been unforgiving before.

Once someone in my life had a melt down over the fact that I called her ex to ask about his cancer diagnosis and treatment. I called him after feeling prompted for three weeks by the Holy Spirit. I am a believer in the power of intercession and believe God wants me to pray for him. The person (his ex) told me in a video that she cannot have a relationship with anyone who has a relationship with him. I love her but will not succumb to that demand. My relationship with God is more important than her feelings. I told my husband it feels great to feel so healthy emotionally and spiritually that I don’t even feel hurt by her behavior. The fact is I feel very sorry foe her and burdened for her because of how this will impact her life. The irony is, she is estranged from her son due to unforgiveness and it is not her choice, but his. He will not forgive her for past hurts.

What does the Bible say about forgiveness? Quite a bit. In fact, forgiveness is a dominant theme throughout the Bible. But it’s not uncommon to have many questions about forgiveness. The act of forgiving does not come easy for most of us. Our natural instinct is to recoil in self-protection when we’ve been injured. Our human nature is to hold a grudge. We don’t naturally overflow with mercy, grace, and understanding when we’ve been wronged.

Is Christian forgiveness a conscious choice, a physical act involving the will, or is it a feeling, an emotional state of being? The Bible offers insight and answers to our questions about forgiveness. Let’s take a look at some of the most frequently asked questions and find out what the Bible says about forgiveness.

Is forgiveness a conscious choice, or an emotional state?
Forgiveness is a choice we make. It is a decision of our will, motivated by obedience to God and his command to forgive. The Bible instructs us to forgive as the Lord forgave us:

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13, NIV)

How do we forgive when we don’t feel like it? Forgiveness is not an emotion but a decision.
We forgive by faith, out of obedience. Since forgiveness goes against our nature, we must forgive by faith, whether we feel like it or not. We must trust God to do the work in us that needs to be done so that our forgiveness will be complete. Our faith brings us confidence in God’s promise to help us forgive and shows that we trust in his character:

Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see. (Hebrews 11:1, NLT)
How do we translate our decision to forgive into a change of heart?
God honors our commitment to obey him and our desire to please him when we choose to forgive. He completes the work in his time. We must continue to forgive by faith (our job) until the work of forgiveness (the Lord’s job) is done in our hearts.

My mother was a beautiful example of living a life of forgiving others. In fact my father was physically abusive to her and she never held a grudge against him. In my 20’s I struggled with forgiving him and in fact sought out a Christian counselor to help me in my journey. Regardless of his actions (abusive alcoholic) by the grace of God I chose to forgive him and show him honor.

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. (Philippians 1:6, NLT)
How will we know if we have truly forgiven?
Lewis B. Smedes wrote in his book, Forgive and Forget: “When you release the wrongdoer from the wrong, you cut a malignant tumor out of your inner life. You set a prisoner free, but you discover that the real prisoner was yourself.”

Bitterness is the result when we choose not to forgive someone. What we often don’t realize is that not forgiving someone is a poison that hurts us and those we do care about. Holding onto anger will impact every aspect of your life whether you realize it or not.

We will know the work of forgiveness is complete when we experience the freedom that comes as a result. We are the ones who suffer most when we choose not to forgive. When we do forgive, the Lord sets our hearts free from the anger, bitterness, resentment, and hurt that previously imprisoned us.

Sometimes forgiveness is a slow process and a therapist is needed. If you are struggling with forgiving someone I encourage you to invest in yourself and pay for counseling. It will be money well spent.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (Matthew 18:21-22, NIV)
Jesus’ answer to Peter makes it clear that forgiveness is not easy for us. It’s not a one-time choice, and then we automatically live in a state of forgiveness. Essentially, Jesus was saying, keep on forgiving until you experience the freedom of forgiveness. Forgiveness may require a lifetime of forgiving, but it is important to the Lord. We must continue forgiving until the matter has been settled in our heart.

What if the person we need to forgive is not a believer?
We are called to love our neighbors and our enemies and pray for those who hurt us:

“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.” (Matthew 5:43-48, NLT)
We learn a secret about forgiveness in this verse. That secret is prayer. Prayer is one of the best ways to break down the wall of unforgiveness in our hearts. When we begin to pray for the person who has wronged us, God gives us new eyes to see and a new heart to care for that person.

As we pray, we start to see that person as God sees them, and we realize that he or she is precious to the Lord. We also see ourselves in a new light, just as guilty of sin and failure as the other person. We too are in need of forgiveness. If God did not withhold his forgiveness from us, why should we withhold forgiveness from another?

Is it okay to feel anger and want justice for the person we need to forgive?
This question presents another reason to pray for the person we need to forgive. We can pray and ask God to deal with the injustices. We can trust God to judge that person’s life, and then we ought to leave that prayer at the altar. We no longer have to carry the anger. Although it is normal for us to feel anger toward sin and injustice, it is not our job to judge the other person in their sin.

A few months ago someone told me that he cannot forgive someone who had an affair. It wasn’t his marriage but yet he will not forgive the person. My thought was GOD WILL NEVER ASK YOU TO FORGIVE MORE THAN HE HAS FORGIVEN YOU FOR. How can we ask God for forgiveness of our sin when we refuse to forgive someone? According to scripture, not forgiving someone will also keep our prayers from being answered.

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. (Luke 6:37, (NIV)
Why must we forgive?
The best reason to forgive is simple: Jesus commanded us to forgive. We learn from scripture in context to forgiveness that if we don’t forgive, neither will we be forgiven:

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14-16, NIV)

Life is beautiful when we forgive.

June 14, 2022

How I Went From Surviving to Thriving

DuAnne Seeley Uncategorized 0

For the majority of my life I was high energy, driven, positive and needed little sleep to feel fabulous every day. Over 10 years ago my health started to decline. Eventually I started feeling like crap on a daily basis. I loved my life but my health was making it difficult to do the things I had always enjoyed. These ailments started one by one until I was plagued with all:

Weight Gain
Migraines
Abdominal Pain
Fatigue
Brain Fog
Insomnia
Anxiety
Depression
Bloating
Joint Pain
Swelling of ankles and knees
Puffy face
Stress
Food Cravings
Hair Thinning

With these issues I continued raising my children doing everything that a wife and mother does but with difficulty.

Over the years I went to a plethora of physicians. Each told me that my lab work was normal and my issue was just part of getting older. I began to think I was a hypochondriac. Most doctors suggested I lose weight and offered me pills for anxiety. I could lose 5-10 lbs but the weight always came back. And I was getting bigger not better!

In 2019 I heard about a doctor by the name of Lena Edwards. Several friends all around the country had gone to her with amazing results. At this point in my life I was willing to go anywhere and do anything for relief. Dr. Edwards lives in Boca Raton, Florida and treats patients via conference call. I scheduled a consult with her in October of 2019. In November, 2019 -February, 2020. she worked with me on a weekly basis. I continue to have annual visits with her.

My first week I had the most comprehensive medical exam of my life. Dr. Edwards is not a one size fits all physician. Every patient has a customized plan of treatment. We had weekly visits scheduled and I had access to her 24/27 via phone and email. Her response was very prompt to my extra calls or emails. I had tons of blood work done throughout the 4 months. I took saliva tests, bone density and a food allergy test.

The first month I did a 10 day detox. I had a list of foods that were allowed along with menus and recipes. To be honest I was nervous about this detox. I didn’t know if I had the will power to do it. Remember that strong food cravings were one of my symptoms. This detox was also during Thanksgiving. I have always loved coffee and wondered if I could function without it. No coffee or caffeine are allowed during detox. I also loved sugar. To be honest the first two days were difficult. By the 7th day I experienced a miracle. I felt great. I had energy and no longer had to drag myself out of the bed each morning. The headaches were gone. The food cravings were gone. I had energy. I thought about doing this detox forever!

After the detox I could eat a new food every 4 days. This was to determine if I had any reactions to food. My food allergy tests results came in. Would you believe I am allergic to:

Coffee (yes coffee)
Dairy
Gluten
Whey Protein
Eggs
Green Beans
Almonds
Pineapple
Cottage Cheese
Kidney Beans

The list of foods I am allergic to shocked me. I didn’t know if I would be able to eliminate them from my diet. Feeling great is what motivated me to eat clean. Physical health is a great motivator.

My lab work also revealed that I have a low thyroid which she prescribed medication for. The saliva test revealed my hormones were out of whack. Now I take hormones from. compound pharmacy.

Did you know that an alarming 75% of women experience daily symptoms due to hormone imbalances? Some of these symptoms are irritating, like insomnia, sugar cravings, fluid retention, moodiness and headaches, while others can be more devastating like infertility. Often, many of these symptoms can be written off as “normal” and just part of a woman’s cycle or transition into menopause. The truth is that there are many things we can do to reverse them to live each day more comfortably.

Dr. Edwards also diagnosed me with leaky hut. With probiotics and a change in diet this was fixed. I also had yeast overgrowth which was the reason the inside of my ears itched all the time.

The lab report also revealed I had a vitamin D and B12 deficiency. The B was so low that I began taking weekly injections for a while. She prescribed a high dose of vitamin D for me until new lab work showed improvement.

For years I suffered with insomnia. Dr, Edwards told me that sleep was the most important issue for my health to improve. I never took prescribed medication for sleep but her treatment had me sleeping through then night within weeks.

In addition to my symptoms disappearing from my life I also lost 40 pounds. This was an added bonus but not the greatest benefit. Sure it’s great to drop weight because this does enable you to have better health. Health is not just the absence of disease but the presence of optimal function and feeling.

Today I primarily eat meat, fish, seafood, vegetables and fruits. I can have goat or sheep cheese which is delicious. I avoid processed food. Processed food including soft drinks (even diet) are poison for your body. It has been well documented that artificial sweetener causes cancer.

Do I ever eat sugar? Yes, on occasion. I love the Dove dark chocolate bites and will spurge sometimes. Did you know dark chocolate can kill cancer cells? Two weeks ago I had some regular pizza. This was my first since October, 2019. I enjoyed it but did pay for it for the next 24 hours. The key for me is to do it on rare occasion. The pizza was a special time with my sister while she was visiting for her birthday. However I did not have cake!

Is there something you think you could never do without? Whatever it is I bet you can modify the recipe and have it. Mobile has a gluten free bakery. Many restaurants today offer gluten free food.

At the grocery store I read every ingredient label. Unhealthy ingredients are hidden in everything. Did you know that some canned black beans have added sugar? One can find food without added chemicals but it requires reading every label and maybe asking a cook questions at a restaurant.

After four months with Dr. Edwards every single symptom disappeared from my life. The bloating in my face and stomach diminished. My eyes seemed bigger and brighter and my lips fuller.

I’ve been thinking about people who may struggle with health problems as I did. This is the reason for sharing this post. I am not selling anything and Dr. Edwards does not even know about this blog. I am sharing because I know there are women who suffer in silence as I did with health problems. The main thing I hope you take away from my story is you don’t have to feel like crap. It’s not normal to feel like that on a consistent basis. If your health is suffering, find a good doctor. Look for a functional medicine doctor. You are worth it.

What you have just read is the beginning of my story. I will continue writing about health issues that I dealt with on my journey. Please subscribe if you want notification of new posts. And please feel free to ask questions here or comment if any of what I shared resonates with you.

January 3, 2021

How To Have The Greatest Year Ever

DuAnne Seeley Uncategorized 0

How many of you are ready for a New Year? Everyone I know feels delight that the past 12 months are over. 2020 was a challenge for everyone in one way or another.

At the beginning of every year (and especially after 2020) is a great time to set yourself up for the greatest year ever. Is this possible? What if circumstances in my life and the world stay the same?

I believe that regardless of what is going on the world we can have a great year. The government and other people do not determine what happens at your house. Hardships will come and go. Tragedy will come and go. Obstacles will always be with us. People will pass away. A job will be lost. People will hurt us. Sickness will come. Bad things happen to good people. However your response to everything is your choice. If you accept that attitude is a choice you can change your world.

Allow me to add that I realize pain is real. At the same time I believe even pain can be used for good and bring glory to God. One of my favorite quotes is by Ernest Hemingway: “We are all broken, that’s how the light get’s in.” Jesus is the light. Joy is not the absence of pain but joy is presence of God.

Here are a few questions to set yourself up for the best year ever. I urge you to sit down with a journal, alone, with a cup coffee and put your thoughts on paper.

1. What have I learned?

2. What have I accomplished?

3. Who did I add value to?

4. What held me back?

5. Do I still love what I do?

6. Am I living out my priorities?

7. What habit or change would aid me most?

8. What would I try if I knew I could not fail?

9. What would I most like to change about myself and how might I do this?

10. What brings me the most joy and how am I going to do more of that?

11. What is one change I could make in my life that would give me more peace?

12. At the end of this year, how would I like to be different?

At the beginning of every year I get alone and answer questions such as this. At the end I also choose a focus word for the new year. I like to choose a word that defines what I hope to achieve and then try to think about this word daily. Some words I have chosen in the past have been Intentional, Transform, Connect, Renew and Revive.

Feel free to share your focus word in the comment section.

My prayer is that this post serves as a catalyst to your best year ever.

March 22, 2020

Covid-19 – I’m a Carrier

DuAnne Seeley Uncategorized 0

Today, March 22, 2020 there are 26,747 cases in America and 138 in Alabama. We have been quarantine like most of you reading this blog. Last week we officially closed our small business. Other than a quick run to the pharmacy, doctor office or grocery store I have stayed home. I have washed my hands and kept my hands away from my face.

Today I realize that I have been a carrier. A carrier of fear. And people around me catch what I carry. We are all carriers. What are you carrying? Is it worth catching? What I have been carrying the past week is not worth catching?

I made the decision to put on a worship video. I listened as I cleaned some junk drawer and cabinets. For 2 hours I worshipped and prayed. My fear was replaced with faith, love and hope. This is what I choose to carry The Good News. Worry and anxiety is contagious, so is hope. Fear is contagious, so is peace. Hate is contagious, so is love.

In the New Testament believers were contagious. The Good News spread. Believers were faithful, loving and had hope. I didn’t spread this last week. I realize that I have been lukewarm. I have been comfortable. I have been so busy with life that I have allowed my fire to grow dim.

This is a wakeup call for the church. My hope should not be in the government. My hope should not be in doctors, though I appreciate all they are doing. Nor should my hope be in spiritual leaders. My hope is in the one who spoke all things into being. My hope is in the one who died for me. My hope is in Jesus. He is our shelter in a time of trouble. In his presence demons flee. He is the resurrection and the life.

God is not surprised by this Wuhan virus. God is always good. And good news spreads. While the world is growing dark, Jesus is the light. Whatever we are facing, look to Jesus. Jesus is here. Jesus is good. Jesus is with me. Jesus is with you.

I am a carrier and so are you. May we spread faith, love and hope today. May we be a light to the world. I believe something good can come out of this time. This is our opportunity to spread faith, give love and hope.

You are a carrier.

November 18, 2019

How To Do Thanksgiving Without Stress, Part 2

DuAnne Seeley Family, Holidays 0

It’s Turkey day and you, my friend, are bound for duty. You have a responsibility, an honor to get this bird on a table. This is your time. Be bold, be brave, be swift. Its go time.

X hour: Good morning, sunshine! Pull the turkey and stuffing out of the fridge/cooler and place on counter. Get another hour of sleep, shower or have your devotional. A prayer time for the day will certainly help!
X-hour +1:Turn the oven on to turkey cooking temp. Get that turkey in the pan, stuff it, truss it and season it.
X-hour+2: Put the turkey in the oven.

Peel the potatoes and get them boiling on burner #1. Prep the salad and the dressing and refrigerate them separately. Finish your appetizers if guests are not bringing them. If you’re going to make gravy from scratch now is a great time to make the roux and the stock (burners #2 and #3). Once they’re done,throw them into bowls or Tupperware and set aside until later. When the potatoes are done, whip and/or mash them, then cover the pan, but do not refrigerate.

Get on with the cleaning/getting ready part of your day because the only thing you need to remember is basting, and you can set your phone alarm for that. From here on out, we’ll be talking about time as it relates to dinner.

The Final Countdown

This final portion of the dance can be done without stress.

Dinnertime -3 hours: Start checking your turkey; sometimes they get done early. Now is a good time to clear the kitchen and get your serving dishes, carving tools, trivets and oven mitts out. Remove any casseroles, sides and cranberry sauce from the fridge and allow them to come to room temperature.
Dinnertime -1 hours: An hour before the meal (or when your turkey is done, which you can’t really control), take the turkey out, and immediately reshuffle the racks in the oven to the top and halfway. Turn oven to 350℉ if it’s not there already.

Move the turkey onto the carving board and cover it in foil. Pour all the turkey drippings into a fat separator and get it into the freezer. Put the casseroles and sides into the oven, with denser items like potatoes/sweet potatoes on top, and veggies on bottom.

Put the turkey pan on the stovetop over burners #1 and #2 and deglaze it. Add your roux and stock, grab the separator from the freezer and add the drippings from the pan. Pour it all into a saucepan, and place it back on burner #1 on low, with a lid.

Are you making vegetables that aren’t in a casserole? Now’s the time to steam them or saute them on the stovetop (since they’re already cut/prepped from yesterday) on burners #2-4.

Dress the salad. Have guests move completed dishes to table.

Move the stuffing from the bird to a serving dish. Carve half the turkey and cover the rest with foil. If heated through, send side dishes to the table on trivets or towels. Put the second wave of each dish into the oven, set timer for 30 minutes. Turn off the gravy burner, pour it into a gravy boat and send all the remaining dishes to the table.

You can now enjoy your dinner. When the timer goes off, there’s an additional wave of food. Your guests can help pull them out, and even carve more meat if needed. Once those dishes come out of the oven, your pies and any other desserts can go in. Ice cream can now come out of the freezer to soften on the counter.

Loadout and Clean Up

After dinner, a magical thing happens- everyone starts to pick up dishes and napkins in an attempt to help, and they deposit them in your kitchen in Dr. Seuss-like stacks that defy logic, gravity and utility, as if merely getting things to the kitchen is the heavy lifting. I’ve found that with a little direction, you can maximize the help guests are willing to give, doing as little work yourself as possible. Here’s how:

Have vacuum bags, cheap Tupperware, or large Ziploc bags ready. People will want to help, but they’ll look to you for instructions, so start by only bringing dishes of food to the kitchen. Meanwhile, ask one guest to collect plates, scraping all the scraps into compost or the trash, a second to collect silverware in a large pan, and a third collects linens that go right to the washing machine. Everyone keeps their glasses. Ask for 10 minutes to organize before clean up.

Use the 10 minutes to parse leftovers into bags for guests and for yourself so all the food is put away before dishes start. Throw any turkey carcass parts into a big pot of water on the stove for stock. At that point, let your guests take over. By then it should be straightforward; the food is gone. Anything they don’t know where to put back, they can stack on the now clean table for you to put away later. Playing a little music is a nice touch, and it’s helpful to have plenty of towels, sponges, and soap so no one has to look for supplies. Meanwhile, assume your throne on the couch to drink sweet tea and accept compliments.

August 2, 2019

Losing my Mother…1 Year Later

DuAnne Seeley Uncategorized 0

When a daughter loses a mom the world changes. You realize that no one will ever love you like that again. I always knew that no matter what I did, good or bad, she loved me anyway. Not to say that my husband or son’s love isn’t great, but it’s not the same as the love of a mother.

A mother’s love isn’t judgmental. It’s kind and forgiving yet bold and endearing. It’s the love written about in I Corinthians 13. And when you can’t see or hold that love anymore the world is different.

The early morning I got the call that my mom was ill I pleaded with God and prayed all the way to the hospital…”God, please don’t let my mom die today.” Over and over the same prayer. My request was not to be. I didn’t even get to tell her goodbye. It was her time to go.

A year ago today I lost a chunk of my heart. Today is the last first. Her first birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mother’s Day, Easter, my birthday, etc. has passed. Today is bittersweet. On one hand I know I’ve made it through some of the really tough days so I know I will survive. But after a year, I still feel “okay, that’s enough time to wake up not from this terrible dream.”

I don’t think a daughter can be prepared for the passing of her mother. I thought I was. I’m an educated, intelligent, successful woman. I read plenty of books on death, dying and grief. I spent years in full time ministry. I thought I was ready to face it. My mom and I spoke tenderly about my life without her. She was a devout Christian and ready to go. But I wasn’t ready to lose her. Oh how I wanted more time.

Sitting with her for an hour after she passed, I called my husband and my son who was an intern in DC. Walking out of her room for the last time felt so surreal. Kissing her forehead. Covering her with a blanket. I actually felt weird leaving her alone.

My son Matthew was home sleeping when I woke him to share the news. The day was filled with calls to my siblings and other family members who lived out of town. In a blur I went to the funeral home to make arrangements. I chose the dress she wore to my wedding. I chose her lipstick. I planned her after funeral luncheon. I wrote her eulogy. It only took me 10 minutes but I believe God gave me the perfect words.

The memories of August 2, 2018 will stay in my heart forever. So here I am one year later. I don’t feel like I have crossed a finish line on achieving any type of closure. I don’t feel healed. I still have my grief with me. It is a part of me now. The past year has allowed me to find a way to accommodate my grief, like a sudden and permanent limp that doesn’t stop you completely but will forever alter the way you move through the world.

March 28, 2019

Be Kind Always

DuAnne Seeley Personal Growth, Relationships, Uncategorized 0

Today I learned about an old friend that committed suicide. I have a cousin fighting pancreatic cancer and a dear sister in law newly diagnosed with cancer. I have a friend in a difficult marriage. A single friend who really wants to be married. A friend newly divorced. A young man fighting the demons of addiction. These are just a few that come to mind.

There’s that wonderful quote that says “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”. You’ll find a few versions all attributed to a few different people, but the sentiment is exactly the same. And it’s the best advice anyone can give someone else, and it’s one of the best ways to live your life.

Imagine how much better the world could be if everyone on the planet adhered to this…?

I don’t want to make this post a sad one, but at the risk of sounding melancholy, life is difficult. It’s wonderful and hard. And we all need kindness.

As much as I’d like to think I’m a Christian and treat people fairly and kindly, I have
to admit I’m the sort of person that gives people the benefit of the doubt – until they cross me. Or hurt my family. In the words of the Hulk, “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry”. I’m not as bad as some people I know, and I don’t pout or harbor grudges like some people I know, but I have been known to unleash my wrath on those that I feel deserve it because “they started it”.

This is NOT a good way to live your life and treat others if you think about the “Be Kind” quote. So, I’m vowing to apply the Be Kind ideology to more people, more of the time. I need to do better. Anger and regret and holding grudges get you nowhere. I desire to be kind even to mean people.

How I’ll apply kindness in more situations in life

I’m vowing to change my behavior in the following ways:

When people wrong me or my family I will not just forgive them but will pray pray for them and choose kindness. I know so many people who are mean and blow people off and yet sit in church each Sunday. I don’t want to be like them.

When people attempt shoplifting from my gallery I will be kind. There will be consequences but I will do it with kindness.

When someone I see on my walks or the cashier in the supermarket don’t say good morning back to me, I won’t get in a huff because they were rude – they may have just been given some terrible news and aren’t up to it.

And when I get cold called to buy a car warranty, vacation or insurance or something else I don’t need I won’t take out my frustration on the caller – they’re just doing their job.

You never, ever know what someone is going through. Even those close to you will likely never tell you.

So there’s the thought for the week: Kindness – all the time, always. It costs nothing. It hurts no one. It helps everyone. You never know, it might switch something in someone’s brain… and even save their life.

DO YOU HAVE STORIES OF KINDNESS THAT YOU WANT TO SHARE? TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS…

December 21, 2018

How to Respond to a Friend Who is Dating an Atheist

DuAnne Seeley Relationships 0

Recently I learned that someone I loved is dating an atheist. I wanted to speak to her but she refused to meet with me face to face. If I had been given an hour this is what I would have shared.

Please don’t hear my words with a harsh, condemning tone, but with an urgent, pleading one. Listen to my heart. I am deeply concerned for you. If this feels like I’m dumping a bucket of cold water on your head, it’s because I want you to wake up.

Let’s start with who a Christian is.

An atheist and a Christian are not compatible.

A Christian is a person who is now one with Christ. A Christian has been rescued by Jesus out of the darkness of sin and has been brought into His marvelous light—transformed from the inside out. A Christian has the spirit of Christ living inside of them! A Christian is someone whose entire identity has been refashioned around Christ. Christ is their life. Christ is the reason they are now accepted and beloved by God the Father.

An atheist, on the other hand, denies that God even exists. An atheist is a God-hater, just as you and I were until God graciously opened our “eyes” to our need to be forgiven and cleansed of our sin, to be reconciled to our Creator, and to be given an “alien” righteousness so we could live with a holy God forever.

An atheist and a Christian are not compatible. How do I know this?

Well, years ago, the apostle Paul wrote to the Christians in Corinth, urging them not to enter into any kind of a close partnership with an unbeliever. After telling them not to be “unequally yoked with unbelievers” (picture an ox and a donkey trying to plow a straight row together . . . fail! It won’t happen—they’ll each want to do their own thing), Paul peppered them with the following questions:

“What partnership has righteousness with lawlessness?
“What fellowship has light with darkness?
“What accord has Christ with Belial (Satan)?
“What portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?
“What agreement has the temple of God with idols?
“For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,
“‘I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty’” (2 Cor. 6:14–18).

One way we can apply this to our lives today is that we should not marry (and therefore we should not date or long to date) someone who is not wholeheartedly pursuing and delighting in God. King Solomon made this mistake, and we’re told in 1 Kings 11:4 that,

“His wives turned his heart after other gods; and his heart was not loyal to the LORD his God.”

You will have to choose between God and this man. You can’t have both. If you choose to date an atheist your heart will be turned away from God, His church and other believers. James warns,

“You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God” (James 4:4).

Let me be clear about this, though. If you choose God over this man, God will not love you any more than He already does. It won’t earn you extra points with God. If you truly trust in Christ Jesus as both your Savior and your Lord, you are already His 100% dearly loved child.

Does that mean that you have the freedom to date this man? No way! Besides, why would you want to, when Christ has revealed Himself to you as the greatest treasure there is—both in this life and for the life to come?

I get it that you have strong feelings toward this man. If you are sleeping with him there is a physical connection. However what you’re feeling isn’t true love, but something closer to romantic desire or lust. Looking to a person to “make” you happy is not real and will not last. I encourage you to:

Explore whether you truly have been born again, and whether Jesus Christ really is both your Savior and your Lord (He can’t be one without being the other!). One sign of real Christianity is feeling conviction over sin. Do you feel this? If not you may very well not be born again.
Tell an older, godly woman about your struggle. Be completely honest with her, and ask her to help hold you accountable.
Break off your relationship with this man. Stop spending time with him. Don’t talk to him. Don’t text him. Run!
Pursue Jesus through His Word. Get to know Him. Learn to enjoy Him the way He delights in you.

I love you and aways will. My desire is not to see you in pain but I promise a relationship with an atheist is not going to end well for you.

December 6, 2018

Merry Christmas from the Seeley’s

DuAnne Seeley Family, Holidays 0

It’s A Wonderful Life

Christmas 2018

Dear Family & Friends,

I’m getting older, but still learning. Jesus is a good teacher as long as we are listening. The title of my most recent lesson is, It’s a Wonderful Life. No I have not been suicidal as the main character of the popular movie, but in the journey of life one can lose sight of the wonder.

In October of 2016 I lost my vision. Surgery restored it. In February 2017 I lost my vision a 2^nd time and surgery restored it. On Good Friday, I lost it a 3^rd time. It’s difficult to describe the feeling of suddenly not being able to see your family, read, put on makeup, see TV, cook, drive, etc. At this point I had 2 options. The best surgeon in the world for this surgery is in Memphis. He could do the surgery or I could wait for a year and see if my eye might heal. The Greatest Physician prompted me to give it a year. I could write a whole series on the humor and lessons I learned during this time. So as not to bore you I will suffice it to say life really is wonderful. So are people. In the beginning Todd attempted to help me with make up and hair. Don’t tell him but I think I looked better without his help. God healed my vision a year later.

My husband retired from serving as a pastor and now works as a recruiter. In the event of a hurricane or other disaster his company hires help for FEMA. He continues to help out the local Christian radio station a few mornings a week. In addition he does framing at our art gallery. Todd leads a small group Bible study for men on Wednesday night. Todd is the hardest working person I have ever seen. His office is at the gallery and we spend more time together than any couple I have ever known. To be able to be with someone almost 24/7 and still love each other is God.

Last August my precious mother died. Todd and I moved her to Fairhope almost 4 years ago to give her a better quality of life. She was a huge part of our lives and we loved her deeply. I miss my visits with her every 2-3 days. She was the most Christ-like person I have ever seen. Never have I known a person so full of love, forgiveness & gratefulness. At her funeral the Holy Spirit showed up and many people who have been estranged reconciled. God is good and it is a wonderful life. Please pray for the few remaining in my family who still suffer with anger and bitterness so that they might experience more of Christ.

Matthew graduates from USM in May. We look forward to seeing what God has ahead for him. My first-born son is loyal, sensitive & kind. He still loves sports. I love that he adopted an elderly couple after meeting them at a restaurant a year ago. He helps them when he can. Matthew went to see them on Thanksgiving because they don’t have any family nearby. We hope they can share Christmas dinner with us.

Aaron is in his 2^nd year at Auburn and his goal is to graduate after his 3^rd year there. He recently finished a summer internship in DC and is involved in local & national politics. He was actually interviewed on CNN a year ago. Aaron is driven, goal oriented & a servant. He loves hiking and keeps me on my knees with his dangerous adventures.

I love working as an art curator at the gallery Todd purchased for me in downtown Fairhope. Everyday I get to listen to Andrea Bocelli surrounded by beautiful art. Fairhope is a quaint artistic town on Mobile Bay with a population of 20 thousand. It attracts many tourists year round and the most in March with 250,000 visitors. It’s delightful to meet locals and tourists. In 2010 I came kicking and screaming to South Alabama when God wanted to bless me with his best.

Todd & I celebrate 25 years of marriage in March. Before marriage I honestly thought if we had conflict that we would settle it by praying together on our knees while holding hands. Laughter. I would describe the 1^st part of our marriage as a roller coaster. Today it feels more like the log ride. Remember that ride? A lot of beauty but on occasion a hill and drop with splash. We enjoy life together & encouraging other married folk. Marriage can get better with time if Christ is the center and you don’t quit. A good marriage is a wonderful life and is worth fighting for. This is our message to young adults.

May the Lord richly bless you and yours this holiday season as you experience the wonderful life God has given.

Love,

The Seeley’s

November 30, 2018

Happy Birthday Mom

DuAnne Seeley Grief 0

They always warn you about the firsts after someone dies.

The first holiday. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Mothers Day. The first birthday. The anniversary.

I miss my mom on her birthday today. She would have been 88.

My mom was named Dorothy.

We lost her last August 2nd. She was 87. At 4 AM she woke up talking, smiling and singing at the skilled nursing care facility where she lived. She entered eternity at 4:20 AM.

It felt so surreal driving to the nursing home after her passing to see her one last time.

Mom loved cake. Every birthday possible (and every one while I lived near) I took her the biggest birthday cake possible so that she could share it with friends. My mom loved to give and I guess I got that from her. We took multiple wrapped gifts to her every year. Today I feel so grateful I was able to spoil her. She deserved it more than any person I have ever known.

So today I felt the tug to go back to the cemetery. It was my first time since the day she was buried. I wanted to take poinsettias like I gave her every year. I wanted to say Happy Birthday mom. And to say goodbye again. Only there is no final goodbye when someone dies. You keep saying goodbye over and over. Just when you think you can’t feel any more sad, it knocks you over like a wave you didn’t see coming.

I stood at the headstone. I sang Happy Birthday to her. It felt silly but it made me smile at the thought that she would appreciate being remembered. Strange that I feel very grateful that we had her as long as we did.

Then I drove past her last home and wished I could stop by for coffee and birthday cake with her today. Happy Birthday mom.

November 29, 2018

Informing Others

DuAnne Seeley Grief 0

Continuation of Grief Process

Both of my sons have always been close to mom. They have visited her on a regular basis and is the reason that she remembered them even with dementia. Matthew often stopped to see her on his way back to college. He is at ease with elderly and they love him. Aaron visited mom with me when he could during his breaks from college.

After Todd I told Matthew. He was home asleep. I didn’t want him to hear from social media or anyone else. He sobbed when I told him. It was tough to be strong for him but I was. Aaron was working in DC and I informed him on the phone. It was the first time I heard Aaron cry since he was a little boy.

Next I called my older sister who is my mother’s first born. I called 5 times and got no answer. No one wants to leave a phone message or text that their mom died. I called my youngest sister. No answer. I called her again with no answer. My sisters and I had not spoken for years and they never answered the phone when I called. Even when calling from my mom’s room. My sisters were not speaking to each other either. I hesitated calling my brother because he travels with his job and makes presentations. No one wants a call like that before public speaking. As a last resort I called him. He was upset as any son would be. My mom loved him deeply. She loved looking at his photos and usually recognized him and asked how he was. She talked about him often. I made other family calls. Each time going through what had happened.

I had a dental appointment 5 hours after my mom died. I don’t know why I went. My dentist would certainly have understood. I don’t think I was ready to verbalize that my mom had passed so I decided to go and not talk about it. Really thought I could do it. As I was in the dental chair I burst into sobs.

Todd called my two best friends. Angie and Jodi are two of the most amazing women you will ever meet and I am blessed to have them in my life. They stepped up to the plate in more ways than anyone would expect. He also called my friend Connie who worked in our art gallery. She offered to work for me while I was out.

The first few days after your mother dies are going to feel like a blur. You will function only in that you will make funeral arrangements, contact relatives, console family members, and go forward taking care of necessary tasks. Numbness is the perfect word for this time. I went to the funeral home alone. Nothing prepared me for that. Going into a room full of caskets to choose for my mom was emotional. Picking out her burial clothes, makeup and jewelry and dropping them off as if that was a normal thing to do.

As I was in the room of caskets I made a decision. My funeral plans would be made prior to my passing so that my sons would be spared.

November 22, 2018

How To Have Joy at Thanksgiving

DuAnne Seeley Holidays 0

Thanksgiving is a supposed to be a time to give thanks.

For some, Thanksgiving feels overwhelming.

My mother passed away in August. Many friends I know have lost a parent this year. Two couples I know recently divorced. One friend and his son will eat Thanksgiving dinner at a church because the wife/mom left them. A couple in our community lost their only son in a car accident. Some of you reading this have a rocky marriage and wonder if this might be your last Thanksgiving together. Some of you are estranged from family members. Maybe you are overwhelmed because of the the lengthy to-do lists. You keep busy planning meals, shopping for food and preparing your home to host families and friends. The bottom line is that you feel overwhelmed.

It is possible to make your Thanksgiving more joyful and meaningful. Scripture and brain science tells us gratitude and appreciation are essentials we should not overlook. The benefits of gratitude can stay with us for months. The Bible tells us in Ephesians 5 to, “Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (19-20, NIV) Do not worry if you aren’t a singer or worship leader, you can express your thanks by appreciating the people and God’s gifts in your life. Start some joy this Thanksgiving with a short exercise around your Thanksgiving table.

Take turns expressing appreciation for the people around you. Share one quality you appreciate then express a heartfelt blessing for them.
“Bob, I appreciate how you always care for those around you. May God bless you with an increase in peace.”
Share something from your year that brought you joy.
For example, “I enjoyed the second day of our summer vacation when we were all together sitting on the beach watching the sunset.”
Mention one quality about God you appreciate, share why you appreciate this quality.
For example, “ I am grateful that God is faithful. This year God helped us have the funds for a new roof.”

As you practice the exercise notice how you feel. At the end, invite friends and family to share what they noticed from the exercise.

Take a moment to give thanks!

To continue this start a Gratitude Journal and write one thing every day you are grateful for.

November 19, 2018

The Call

DuAnne Seeley Grief 0

Nothing can prepare you for what it’s like to lose your mom. I’ve had many friends throughout the years who have lost their own mothers. I felt sad for them and offered words of comfort. I cooked a casserole and bought cards to help my friends “get through” the grief. I had absolutely no idea though how excruciating it is to no longer have your mother with you.

No matter what I write in this blog, if you haven’t lost your mother, you won’t fully understand the depths of grief one goes through. The pain is crippling, and it hits you at random moments. One minute you might be fine, and the next minute you are curled up in a ball on your bedroom floor in inconceivable pain. If you have lost your mother, then you’re probably sitting there nodding your head in agreement.

“The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her.”

Author Unknown

My mother passed away on August 2, 2018. THE CALL came at 4 AM. I jumped up to answer and was told something was wrong with mom and she was being taken to the ER. I threw on some clothes and arrived at the hospital within 10 minutes. I waited but the ambulance never showed up. The ER was empty. I called the nursing home and was told on the phone that my mother had died. I made the 20minute drive to see my mom in her room one last time. She was on her bed without a blanket and I covered her. I hugged her and kissed her forehead. Then I did what I had done many times in that room. I sat with her for an hour as I waited for my husband to arrive. Mother had lived in a skilled nursing facility for a couple of years but she was doing well. In fact she had improved. I tried to visit her every couple of days. We talked, laughed and looked at old photos together. Though my mom had dementia she knew me. Most of the time she knew my husband and sons. Mom did not remember people who rarely visited her.

The staff told me that mom had woken up early as usual. She was talking, laughing and singing. After a few minutes my mom passed quickly into the arms of Christ.

I thought I was prepared for Mom’s passing. I’m an educated, intelligent woman. I went into fulltime ministry in my early 20’s. I have been a Bible teacher, counselor and pastor. I have spoken on grief. I read all the books on death, dying, and grief. I knew it would be hard, but I figured I was ready to face it head-on. After all, losing a parent is a fact of life that millions of people before me have faced. Mom was very brave and was ready to die. I was going to be brave too. Because of my experience I thought I would grieve for a while, and then I would move on with life. Nothing could have been further from the truth.

What I have learned is that God is faithful. Especially in grief. He is my healer. The grief is deep but his grace is deeper.

The following posts are based on my experience. Your experience might be completely different, but I’ll bet most of you can find some similarities between my experience and yours.

October 2, 2018

Dorothy Garrett Eulogy

DuAnne Seeley Family 0

Two months ago today my precious mother passed away. In the same month Senator John McCain died. As I listened to his eulogy it was clear that I would prefer my mother’s type of eulogy at my funeral vs. his. Today, two months later, I want to share the eulogy I gave at my mothers funeral…..

My family & I wish to thank each of you for being here to celebrate the life of my mom. Dorothy Belle Garrett was born 11-30-1930. She had 2 sisters. 4 children and 11 grandchildren and a precious great granddaughter. She loved 2 men and was married to Charles Snow for 20 years and Art Garrett for 20 years. She was a widow for the past 28 years. Her family was her world.

Mom had a difficult childhood and in fact experienced much adversity throughout her whole life. However she never complained about it. Most people did not even know details of her life story. In our long conversations from many years ago, Mom understood Scripture teaches that suffering is a gift, because suffering brings about God’s purpose in your life. Mom did not run from suffering she embraced it. She never acted like she was a victim. She was a positive person and accepted everything that happened to her as part of life. Mom had joy because of Christ. She was the most grateful person I have ever known. She gave more than she received and Her life had value up until the very end.

I believe that her innermost feelings of suffering made her the amazing woman she was. My mother was the most loving person I have ever known. Her love was unconditional. She had little but was the most generous and received joy in giving. She was sinned against in many ways but was the most forgiving. The only person mom communicated she disliked was Jane Fonda. That is all. I don’t believe I have ever witnessed another person who lived out Christianity as she. She was never bitter, unforgiving , angry, negative or estranged from loved ones. Mom was the best Christian in our family. Many people say they are Christian but are not really changed people, mom was the real deal. Churches would be overflowing if people loved like my mom loved.

Mom’s spiritual gifts were giving, mercy and intercession. She was a prayer warrior. Mom prayed throughout the day but especially as she lay in bed at night. She always prayed out loud. Mom loved the Bible and in fact read it more than any person I have ever known. She found comfort in the Scriptures and had a childlike faith that pleased the heart of God.

Almost 4 years ago Mimi moved to Fairhope to live with my family. Within a few weeks she told me it was the best decision she had ever made and wished she had done it years earlier. She enjoyed good food, seeing new things, the Fairhope Pier, going to the Mardi Gra parade being in a Bible Study & shopping. She was excited about the large flat screen TV in her room. She loved people to sit in her room and just talk and look at photos with her. She loved talking on the phone to loved ones. Mom asked me to get her up early so that she could sit with Aaron while he ate breakfast before school. She loved BK cheeseburgers. If she didn’t like what I cooked she would ask Todd, Matthew or Aaron to go get her a BK cheeseburger. She always asked for 2. One for her and one to feed my dog even though I asked her not to. In Fairhope She got manicures, eyebrow waxing and she got her hair done every week. She had a couple of hard weeks when her medication needed adjusting but after being in the hospital she returned back to her normal self.

Mom spent the last couple years in Westminster skilled nursing facility. She continued to be so well cared for. Mom loved the staff, the residents, her room and especially the food. Westminster is not your typical nursing home but more like a 5 star resort. I asked her often how she liked living there and every time she told me she really liked it. Every 2-3 days I visited and she ALWAYS responded with a BIG smile when she saw me. She was so grateful for those visits but not more than I. Mom loved looking at her photo albums and they often served as a catalyst to remind her who people were that she had not seen in a long time. She often asked to talk to people on the phone after seeing their photos.

The last 4 years mom was very happy. She laughed often and was grateful for everything. Mom enjoyed eating ice cream every night. She continued to say thank you and I love you every day.

Last Thursday mom woke up happy. In fact she was smiling, talking a lot and singing. Then all of a sudden, within a couple of minutes, she stepped into the arms of Christ.

Thank you.

June 8, 2018

Top 3 Reasons to Start a Side Hustle

DuAnne Seeley Money 0

A side hustle is additional income that is separate from your paycheck. However for a stay at home mom it might be the only source of income has in addition to taking care of her children and managing her home.

More often than not a side hustle should be a money earning activity that fuels your passion.

Maybe you already work full time but want more cash. Here are 3 reasons to consider a side hustle:

#1 A side hustle will give you more time to prove your concept is viable. Did you know that Uber, Twitter, AirBnB and countless others started as side hustles? Be doing a job on the side you can see if it might be worth more of your time.

When I began my first side hustle over 20 years ago I found out that with a few more hours I could indeed work part time and earn a full time income.

#2 A side hustle allows you to fuel your passion. Want to feel energized? Working your passion will not feel like work. Did you know living out your passion will even boost your immune system?

#3 A side hustle can meet a temporary financial need. Many of us can’t go to your boss and say “I need $1000.00 extra in my pay check this month. Working on your own will allow you to control how much you make. At Christmas time I enjoy earning cash for my gift giving. I make a gift budget and go to work.

What wold earning $1000.00 extra cash do for your family this month?

April 21, 2018

What Are You Building?

DuAnne Seeley Uncategorized 0

This week Barbara Bush died and I saw one of her best quotes.

“You just don’t luck into things as much as you’d like to think you do. You build step by step, whether it’s friendships or opportunities.”

What are you building? Is it what you need? Is it what you value?

Fill in the blank:

I want to ________________________________________.

I need __________________________________________.

Life is short. Don’t waste anymore time wishing you had. Do it now. You can love your life. Need help? Call me for coaching. First half hour call is complimentary.

April 9, 2018

This is What Self-Care Really Means

DuAnne Seeley Uncategorized 0

By Brianna Wiest

Self-care is often a very unbeautiful thing.

It is making a spreadsheet of your debt and enforcing a morning routine and cooking yourself healthy meals and no longer just running from your problems and calling the distraction a solution.

It is often doing the ugliest thing that you have to do, like sweat through another workout or tell a toxic friend you don’t want to see them anymore or get a second job so you can have a savings account or figure out a way to accept yourself so that you’re not constantly exhausted from trying to be everything, all the time and then needing to take deliberate, mandated breaks from living to do basic things like drop some oil into a bath and read Marie Claire and turn your phone off for the day.

A world in which self-care has to be such a trendy topic is a world that is sick. Self-care should not be something we resort to because we are so absolutely exhausted that we need some reprieve from our own relentless internal pressure.

True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.

And that often takes doing the thing you least want to do.

It often means looking your failures and disappointments square in the eye and re-strategizing. It is not satiating your immediate desires. It is letting go. It is choosing new. It is disappointing some people. It is making sacrifices for others. It is living a way that other people won’t, so maybe you can live in a way that other people can’t.

It is letting yourself be normal. Regular. Unexceptional. It is sometimes having a dirty kitchen and deciding your ultimate goal in life isn’t going to be having abs and keeping up with your fake friends. It is deciding how much of your anxiety comes from not actualizing your latent potential, and how much comes from the way you were being trained to think before you even knew what was happening.

The act of self-care has become yet another thing women are expected to be good at. Did you use the right filter for that ‘gram of your impeccably prepared acai bowl? Are the candles you just lit in your Snap story made from organic hand-poured soy or are they that mass-produced factory shit? And how can we stem the inevitable capitalist tide from turning something as simple as self-care into yet another thing to be bought and sold? These are all things I wrestle with as I order Dominos in sweatpants under the guise of ‘being good to myself.’ – quote via Amil Niazi

If you find yourself having to regularly indulge in consumer self-care, it’s because you are disconnected from actual self-care, which has very little to do with “treating yourself” and a whole lot do with parenting yourself and making choices for your long-term wellness.

It is no longer using your hectic and unreasonable life as justification for self-sabotage in the form of liquor and procrastination. It is learning how to stop trying to “fix yourself” and start trying to take care of yourself… and maybe finding that taking care lovingly attends to a lot of the problems you were trying to fix in the first place.

It means being the hero of your life, not the victim. It means rewiring what you have until your everyday life isn’t something you need therapy to recover from. It is no longer choosing a life that looks good over a life that feels good. It is giving the hell up on some goals so you can care about others. It is being honest even if that means you aren’t universally liked. It is meeting your own needs so you aren’t anxious and dependent on other people.

It is becoming the person you know you want and are meant to be. Someone who knows that salt baths and chocolate cake are ways to enjoy life – not escape from it.

January 6, 2018

10 Reasons To Start Your Own Business

DuAnne Seeley Business 0

Do you need a job? Have you considered quitting your current job but not sure if it is the right decision?

Are you scared of failing? of going broke? The only way to delete the “what-ifs” is to try. It’s sad to see people stick to a 9-5 job because it makes you feel safe and secure. Starting your own business may sound scary but it is a sure way to get rid of the what-ifs in your life.

Not everyone wants to be an entrepreneur. But if you have thought about it, allow me to give you 10 reasons why you should start your own business.

1.Job Security

Working for someone else will never give you job security. Being your own boss is the best job security you can get. No one can fire me or lay me off. I never have to worry about being replaced. It’s a great feeling.

It is possible to lose a business due to physical illness. Prior to my current business I was a Director with Mary Kay Skin Care. After losing vision due to a retina tear I was no longer able to see well enough to perform my job. 6 months later I started my current small business which allowed for the flexibility I now require.

2. Reinvention

When my last child went to college last year I became an empty nester. I’ve always worked. But when my youngest went to school I had more time on my hands. For over 30 years I’ve been an entrepreneur so adding something new to my life was not difficult. I was ready for a new challenge. I purchased an art gallery that had not made a profit in 15 years. The gallery paid the bills but that was it. From my calculation I knew it could be profitable and I took a risk that has paid off.

Are you a new parent? Did you recently lose your spouse? Did you lose a job? Becoming a small business owner will allow you to reinvent yourself.

3. Money

Decide how much money you need or want to make and then start planning. I knew that changes needed to be made in my business to see the profit I wanted. I made a list and started implementing.

When you own a business you can set goals and then set a strategy to see your financial plan become a reality. When it doesn’t work then adjust your plan.

We finished the year with the highest November and December the previous owner had seen in her 15 years as owner. Change usually takes more time. Even if we had not achieved our goal I knew that the next year would be another opportunity to try again. It’s okay to give yourself time to see the success you want.

The key to seeing your financial goal becoming a reality is to make change. If nothing changes nothing changes.

4. Skills

One of the things you will learn when starting your own business is learning. Being an employee, you learn about your role and your industry. However, being your own boss, you have to learn everything — from marketing to accounting, operations, and finance. You will have to keep up-to-date with the new technology, tools, consumer trends, and industry news. You will learn like never before. Before you know it, you will become a lifelong learner who loves the challenge of learning about something new. You will take life as a progressive journey as you do with business.

There is no better way to develop skills than starting your own thing!

5. To become an expert

Starting your own business requires you to think on your feet a lot. Whether you start it on your own or with a business partner, you will have to make a decision without a boss or team members who are there for you bounce ideas of. Over and over, you will learn to make decisions independently and become more decisive as you grow. You will learn to trust your gut instinct because no one else knows your business like you do.

You will learn what works and what doesn’t.

It is a wonderful feeling to feel that every decision you make is solely dependent on you. You don’t need to compromise with different opinions from your boss and your colleagues anymore. You make your own decision and you are responsible for it.

Regardless of what your business is, as an entrepreneur, if you stick with it, you’ll become very good at what you do.

6. Motivation

Surely this is one of the main reasons why people start their own thing. Nothing feels as exciting as following one’s passion and dreams. You might have a few sleepless nights because reality keeps you up with excitement — thinking about different ideas and strategy, stalking your competitors, and dreaming about the possible dream-come-true. Even during down times not making any sales, you’re still motivated to go to work, fix the bugs, pump up the sales, and make it happen. Because the business is yours and yours only. You’re not working for somebody else, so work hard and make it happen. The reward will be worth it.

7. To become more daring and fearless.

Starting one’s business can be scary for any first-time entrepreneur without wealthy parents backing them up. You have to believe in yourself and make daring decisions over and over. From deciding that you will not get a full-time job to investing in the business and making several business decisions on your own. Becoming an entrepreneur you will get rid of your self-limiting belief like never before. You will learn that nothing is to be scared of. You will learn that your comfort zone keeps expanding every time you get out of your comfort zone. You will learn to initiate contacts and approach people. You will learn to make things happen and even if you have no idea about something, you will learn about it in every way you can without doubt and without fear. Over and over, this becomes a habit. You will have built this boldness in you and will become used to getting out of your comfort zone

8. To Grow

Being an entrepreneur can be lonely at times. But if you make friends with other entrepreneurs in your community or even around the world, you will realize that there are so many talented and ambitious people out there. You’re not alone. You’re not on your own. And these people are more than happy to share with you their experiences, advice, and recommendations.

Suddenly, the world seems not so small anymore. There is a whole world out there waiting for you to discover, to learn, and to grow. The more you get immersed into the entrepreneur’s world and interact with other entrepreneurs, the more opportunities you will spot and the more driven you will become.

9. To Develop Confidence

Starting your own business takes guts. To be able to take a leap of faith in yourself and jump, you will have already gotten rid of your self-doubt. And on the process of working on your own business, you will become even more of a firm believer in “Whether you think you can, or think you can’t, you’re right.”

Most important of all, you will never hesitate to invest in yourself because it is the only thing that always multiplies and can never be taken away from you.

10. To Help Others

Helping others is what I believe makes it all worthwhile. In my business I give my artists a place to showcase their work. I also help them financially.

Another perk to owning a fine art gallery is to offer a place for people to enjoy art whether they purchase a piece or not. It is very satisfying to me when folks come in the gallery and experience joy from viewing our art.

December 31, 2017