No matter how long they’ve been out of the nest, no matter how happy they are, no matter how I prepare myself, no matter how much I write about it – I can’t seem to keep myself from being head-over-heels depressed every time I have to say good-bye to my young adult kids.

 

It hits me like a ton of bricks. Seriously, I cry like a teen girl on the second day of her period — a regular air-sucking, mascara-dripping, please-God-nobody-see-me sob fest.

 

One would think I’d be used to good-byes by now. Or that I’ve somehow figured out how to prepare for the letdown. After all, the boys are finished with college and it’s been a few years since we’ve had a full time, live-in kid.

Prior to a visit, I’m obnoxiously ecstatic. Bouncing off the walls happy. Planning the menu and grocery brings so much joy. Even cleaning their bedrooms is fun. I certainly don’t want to tarnish that feeling with the planning of the inevitable pit of despair at the end. So instead, I’ve been leaving an open void of time — just waiting there for me to fall into, dragging self-pity in behind me.

 

Seeing my boys never fails to fulfill me. I am always surprised at how easily I can slip fully back into Mama mode, it’s a huge part of who I am. When I’m around them I smile bigger, laugh harder and feel so comfortably myself. The heartstrings sing — and dig in hard.

 

Having to let go from those good-bye hugs in the driveway is literally physically challenging. I feel like I’ve just run a marathon (okay, I’ve never actually run a marathon, but it looks really difficult). I can’t catch my breath, there’s a tightening in my chest and exhaustion soon sets in.

 

I have to force myself not to take to my bed with my smelling salts.

On the plus side, I’m finding that I have a quicker recovery time. What used to last several weeks is now down to one week. 

 

Growth, right?

 

Does this mean it gets gradually easier until the post-parting depression goes completely away? Or do I need to learn to brace myself for the inevitable and learn new ways to cope with it?

So today I choose a thankful heart. I am thankful that God blessed me with my sons and the girlfriend, who already feels like a daughter. And I will smile because it happened.