Continuation of Grief Process
Both of my sons have always been close to mom. They have visited her on a regular basis and is the reason that she remembered them even with dementia. Matthew often stopped to see her on his way back to college. He is at ease with elderly and they love him. Aaron visited mom with me when he could during his breaks from college.
After Todd I told Matthew. He was home asleep. I didn’t want him to hear from social media or anyone else. He sobbed when I told him. It was tough to be strong for him but I was. Aaron was working in DC and I informed him on the phone. It was the first time I heard Aaron cry since he was a little boy.
Next I called my older sister who is my mother’s first born. I called 5 times and got no answer. No one wants to leave a phone message or text that their mom died. I called my youngest sister. No answer. I called her again with no answer. My sisters and I had not spoken for years and they never answered the phone when I called. Even when calling from my mom’s room. My sisters were not speaking to each other either. I hesitated calling my brother because he travels with his job and makes presentations. No one wants a call like that before public speaking. As a last resort I called him. He was upset as any son would be. My mom loved him deeply. She loved looking at his photos and usually recognized him and asked how he was. She talked about him often. I made other family calls. Each time going through what had happened.
I had a dental appointment 5 hours after my mom died. I don’t know why I went. My dentist would certainly have understood. I don’t think I was ready to verbalize that my mom had passed so I decided to go and not talk about it. Really thought I could do it. As I was in the dental chair I burst into sobs.
Todd called my two best friends. Angie and Jodi are two of the most amazing women you will ever meet and I am blessed to have them in my life. They stepped up to the plate in more ways than anyone would expect. He also called my friend Connie who worked in our art gallery. She offered to work for me while I was out.
The first few days after your mother dies are going to feel like a blur. You will function only in that you will make funeral arrangements, contact relatives, console family members, and go forward taking care of necessary tasks. Numbness is the perfect word for this time. I went to the funeral home alone. Nothing prepared me for that. Going into a room full of caskets to choose for my mom was emotional. Picking out her burial clothes, makeup and jewelry and dropping them off as if that was a normal thing to do.
As I was in the room of caskets I made a decision. My funeral plans would be made prior to my passing so that my sons would be spared.